She was a conundrum.
Confusing as snow in July
and as inscrutable as a course in theoretical topology.
One minute,
as mean as a rat defending a hunk of roquefort cheese,
and acting as tough as pot roast cooked within an inch of its life.
Then the next instant,
her smile would slide by as sweet and smooth
as sipping dark chocolate mousse.
I was completely intimidated.
I felt as inadequate as a bikini in a blizzard
and as useless as a cheeseburger at a vegan dinner.
I’d smile as stupidly as a mule eating briars
every time she’d glance my way,
with her eyes as cool and blue as a glacial lake.
What could I do when she asked me to be her baby’s godmother?
How could I say no?
But now I’m as anxious as balloon at a porcupine ranch.
Prompt: Channel your inner gumshoe, and write a poem in which you describe something with a hard-boiled simile.
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